Dear Myochi:

Q: In the "Tao te Ching" Lao Tzu writes:
"Therefore the Master
acts without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect."

Am I foolish to expect honesty in my relations with others? If so, how can I let go of this expectation? 'Human Being'

A: Dear 'Human Being':
You are not foolish to have expectations; you are simply human. Many of us have expectations of ourselves, of others, of our jobs, of society. But it's important to remember that expectations always end in disappointment. As someone once said to me "Expectation is a premeditated resentment!" So in order not to suffer disappointment or carry around resentment, we must let go of expectation and, as my teacher continues to remind me, "Expect nothing."

Before you tackle the big resentments/disappointments, start with a few small ones. At the end of the day, review in your mind and in writing the frustrations and disappointments you experienced that day. Trace each one to an expectation (there's bound to be one) and examine that. Then practice letting go of the expectation. And if you can't let go yet, at least acknowledge that the expectation had something to do with the disappointment. And then imagine what your day would have been like without any expectations. Do this exercise as often as you can (every day, once a week) and don't expect anything to happen. Simply do the exercise. Then think back on the disappointments in your life and look at the resentments you are currently harboring. Write about those and continue to practice letting go. Keep in mind that all our disappointments, all our resentments and anguish can be traced back to their source: Fear of not getting what we want or losing what we have. Our expectations were not fulfilled. We did not get what we expected to get. The scenario did not unfold as we imagined it. We lost something we expected to have forever. But also remember that nothing is forever. And, paradoxically, once you accept this you can forever be rid of the pain and grief that your expectations cause you. As long as you don't expect it.

So, "expect nothing" and your disappointments in other people and in the events of your life will disappear.

Q: I want to make a major shift in my life. I want to leave my present work situation for a more creative and independent endeavor. I have been taking computer classes for a year now and dreaming of making the change., I have some more work to do before I take any actual steps. But I'm scared! I have done this sort of 'work related re-adjustment' in the past and failed miserably. Any suggestions? Signed, 'Scared and Shaking'

A: Dear 'Scared and Shaking':
Let's first look at your use of the words 'failed miserably.' Perhaps you didn't gain what you had 'expected.' which led to disappointment and caused you to blame yourself and define the coutcome as a failure, which in turn led to your current fear of trying again. But if you can turn your perception of that experience around and realize that it worked out just as it was supposed to, you might be able to see that what happened was neither 'good' nor 'bad.' Things happen. Period. Your job is just to show up, take action and then let go. Yes, it's scary. And yes, it's necessary to take risks. And maybe the fear won't go away before you take action. And maybe the result won't be exactly as you 'dreamed' it. This is where you must also let go of the dream and open yourself up to its manifestation. It might even turn out 'better' than you dreamed.

It sounds like you are already taking 'actual steps' to change your work situation by taking computer classes. That's great. Now decide the next step and then the next. Though in your mind it might be a giant leap from where you are now to where you want to be, you can only get there by taking one step at a time, and it seems you've already begun the journey. Keep your goal in mind without clinging to it and keep your attention on the step you are taking right now. Focus on each step wholeheartedly and you'll soon be doing what satisfies you,. But remember, even at that point you will continue to evolve. It is a never-ending process. It is called life. The unexpected is what makes it miraculous. And as Gertrude Stein once said, "There is no there there." Simply enjoy the journey.

Q: I have started my spiritual journey through two of your books, first 3 Bowls, and then Find a Quiet Corner, and listening to some beautiful music. It is now clear that I stopped breathing while I was so ill a couple of years ago. I am now finding my 'quiet corner' and being 'just' with myself numerous times during the day. Today while at a park listening to music, I suddenly realized that 5 or 6 years ago I cut almost all music out of my life. That was the 'THEN' for multiple reasons. Here is the 'NOW.' I can hardly believe I am asking you this. When I sit and become one with myself, my long-ago-suppressed sexual feelings want to surface. Geesh, now I do not know what specific question I want to ask you. I guess I am wondering if I can do meditation without bringing back those feelings? I am a bit lost her so I thought I would at least ask. 'Lost and Asking'

A: Dear 'Lost and Asking':
Sitting quietly with ourselves and 'just breathing' is an opportunity to not only calm our bodies and minds, but also to observe our mind and get in touch with who we truly are deep down. Thoughts, feelings and memories that we've repressed for one reason or another will bubble to the surface. As you've already experienced, this can sometimes cause confusion and fear. At this juncture many people give up on meditation and return to their previous unaware state of mind and repress once again all that they are unwiling to confront. So, first off, congratulations for having the courage to look and then to ask questions. This is not an easy path that you've chosen, but the rewards are boundless.

As for those repressed sexual feellings that are coming up, just let them come. No need to act on anything yet, just pay attention to what's there. Write about it, talk to someone about it and embrace all that is you. When we repress our truth and refuse to look we become unwell - physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is only when we look and accept it all that we become whole and spiritually healthy. Each one of us is an important and precious piece to the whole that is humanity. Your individual music contributes to the symphony of life. Enjoy it, be gentle with yourself and keep sitting. Your world view might change, but I can guarantee that you will be alive as never before.

Q: No matter what I do or how hard I try, I just can’t seem to let go of my anger toward my former employer. The company was downsized and I was among the many that were laid off. I have since found a job that I like but my resentment toward my old boss and the blame that I place on myself make me less than effective here on my new job. I am afraid that the same thing will happen again. How can I shake these feelings? 'Angry At Work'

A: Dear 'Angry At Work':
Being fired from a job is never easy and it’s important to deal with all the various emotions that arise during and afterwards. Congratulations for at least being aware of your anger and self-blame. These are absolutely normal reactions. And your awareness that such feelings interfere with your current state of mind puts you way ahead.

So, first let’s deal with the anger. Write about it, express yourself to someone else who will understand, let it all out. The more you try to repress these feelings, the more they will take hold and haunt you. Then, let’s look at the self-blame. This most likely is more about ego and needing someone to blame than it is about your performance at work. Remind yourself that things happen; change is inevitable, and blame only causes pain and distracts us from the truth. And the fear that you will again lose your job is normal. It will disappear with time and especially when you let go of the anger and blame. Remember, anything can happen. We are only in control of how we react to the changing circumstances of our lives, not to the cirsumstances themselves.

Once you’ve let out the anger and identified the blame, both will begin to recede and there will be some space to look at the realities of the situation. Often, such traumatic events are blessings in disguise. That is, they help us make changes that we were unaware we needed to make. You say you’re now in a job that you like. Rather than focusing on what you don’t have (your old job) focus on what you do have (your new job). And write about what it is that you like about it. Write about your gratitude for it. Express your gratitude. Practice being at your new job when you’re there and when thoughts of your old job come up acknowledge them and let them go. See if you can find the gratitude for being fired. Had you not been fired you might not have met so-and-so, you wouldn’t have the job you do, you wouldn’t be in touch with your inner spirit the way you are presently. Whatever it is. Only you know. Pay attention to where you are now and let the past be the past. Perhaps all of this happened for a reason and you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Think about it, write about it, talk about it. Find some quiet time to sit by yourself to quiet the noise in your head. You are a healthy and normal feeling-human being. Enjoy it!

Q: My dog Max died three months ago and time just seems to be making it worse rather than better. He was 17 years old and at first I just accepted it as natural and inevitable but now I miss him more than ever. He had been my constant companion for those 17 years and each day his absence feels heavier so that some days I can hardly drag myself out of bed in the morning. I tell myself that it’s not natural to feel so sad about a dog but that only makes me feel worse. I see no light anywhere. Help. 'Woeful and Missing Max'

A: Dear 'Woeful and Missing Max':
Loss of any kind, and especially of a loved one, is never easy, so don’t be so hard on yourself about your sadness. You loved Max; he loved you. It’s natural to miss him now that he’s gone. And spending a few mornings in bed with your grief is not the end of the world. But be careful not to blame Max for your behavior. You say he was your constant companion for 17 years so he probably got you out of bed each morning. And now that he’s not there to motivate you it’s his absence that’s keeping you in bed. But rather than focusing on him, you might now want to start focusing on yourself. Perhaps it’s time to spend time with yourself and while that might be a scary proposition Max’s passing might be just the opportunity you need to get to know yourself again. How long has it been since you’ve spent some quiet time alone? Carry Max in your heart with you but go out and take a walk on the beach; take notice of what it is that you like to do; pay attention to th details of your life; plant some flowers. Find the courage to be alone. You are a complete person even without Max. You simply have to discover all over again who that person is.

Q: Try as I may, I simply cannot lose the five pounds I’ve been wanting to lose for some time now. I have fairly good eating habits but cannot seem to give up my daily sweet. I always justify it, always feel guilty and always enjoy it to some extent. I feel that if only I could give this up the five pounds I am hanging on to would melt away. But I just can’t seem to do it. What am I hanging on to, afraid of, running from??? 'Sweetly Confused'

A: Dear 'Sweetly Confused':
From your letter I can tell that you're not far from discovering the truth for yourself. I would suggest the following: First, give up the idea of getting rid of the five pounds; accept yourself fully at your current weight; buy a flattering new outfit and be proud of the way you look. Second, for one week make a ritual of eating your daily sweet; make your choice with care; enjoy fully the experience of eating the sweet. Third, write about what you’re feeling before, during and after eating your sweet. In no time at all awareness will grow. If you place yourself completely in each moment, as you buy and eat your sweet, the truth will reveal itself. You will soon know what this is all about and if you’re hanging onto, afraid of, or running from something. Then, if those five pounds need to come off, they will come off. If you need to stop eating your daily sweet, you will stop. Whatever the outcome you will be more accepting of who you are and what you look like. That is a promise!